I’m so tired, I can’t bring myself to start the whole going-to-bed process. Get Sam his meds, coax them into brushing their teeth, watch Gilmore Girls with my little girl, nag Jessie about her math homework, yell at Sam for not falling asleep yet. Just.can’t.do.it
I’ve been a little down today. Partly because there was just so much to do – laundry and dishes and vacuuming and grocery shopping and more laundry. But mostly because I know that tomorrow is coming, and Sam’s stomach is starting to hurt him again. He started complaining more and more as the week went on – and while I can deal with him having stomach pain at home, and by that, I mean that HE can deal with it, he distracts himself or snuggles up next to me… having stomach pain at school is a whole different scenario. Having a stomach ache at school is a recipe for disaster. It’s phone calls from the nurse, it’s him crying and me feeling awful. It’s arguing with the principal, it’s explaining to my little guy that he just needs to suffer with it, because he can’t come home. It’s me feeling like crap, utter and complete crap, and him feeling even worse.
Okay – maybe that’s really what the problem is.
I’m also a little freaked about the bat mitzvah coming up. Two months to go, I don’t have invitations, I barely have the invite list put together. My caterer just broke her poor little leg, and I’ve got to find globes and decoration and nametags and cups and silverware and assign the honors and set up an rsvp email. Oh my God, I get more and more stressed just thinking about it.
So maybe it’s not that I’m tired, it’s that I’m so overwhelmed and stressed that I don’t want to move because then I’ll start thinking again. Thinking about my little boy, hurting and having to suck it while he’s at school all day with teachers who think he’s faking it. Thinking about the enormous list of things to do (and pay for) for my daughter’s bat mitzvah, the one she’s spent years dreaming of and planning. There’s no way I’ll live up to her expectations.
Maybe a good night’s sleep will help. It’s been a rough several nights here, with New Year’s Eve kicking off a trilogy of nights that ended later and later. Julie napped the past two days and was up past midnight each night as a result. So I’m sleepy, and feeling a little bit… overwhelmed and stressed and exhausted. It’ll get better. It will, right?
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