Thirty Five

My birthday was yesterday. Thirty five is a big year. A take stock kind of year. A figure out where you’ve been, and where you want to go sort of year. And there were several moments yesterday when I was achingly aware of how blessed and fortunate I am. I was laying in bed, Marc had brought me breakfast, and Sam was lying next to me nursing. And I realized that this is (hopefully) the last birthday I’ll spend nursing this boy. And he was so sweet and affectionate and loving, it was beautiful, one of those moments you know that you’ll remember. When Jessie decided to dress up because I was wearing a skirt, and I taught her how to put on perfume, and she did it with such concentration, and I thought to myself, for the rest of her life, everytime she puts on perfume, it’ll have a little piece of me there. Then again, last night, after Marc and I buckled the two of them into the car, and passed each other to get into our our own seats. He paused, kissed me, and wished me a happy birthday again – and it was that moment, with the two kids sobbing in their car seats, and freezing cold, that I was just so happy and amazed and grateful at all that I have. All that I always wanted, and so much potential, so much wealth of love and dreams and hopes for the future… I’m a pretty lucky girl, all things considered. I kind of feel bad for all you people who aren’t me 🙂