I started to type that she was suddenly a big kid – but I haven’t gotten there yet. She’s still my baby, my tiny one, my little love bug, and at some point, I imagine that she’ll start to chafe against the fact that I always see her with her little baby face superimposed over …
Category Archive: Uncategorized
Apr 20
He can’t see
Playing Uno is hard, because he has trouble seeing the difference between the blue and green cards. He can’t play Wii Sports well, because he can’t see the baseball in time to swing. Forget reading – he can’t play with legos or build his model cars. It’s not that he can’t see at all. He …
Apr 18
April Vacation 2016
I like April vacation – but I sense that this one is not one that I’m going to want to repeat. My Jessie is off to Florida – a reality that makes me squirm a little bit when I think about it. She’s so much farther away than she’s ever been, and I won’t see …
Apr 14
New Normal
He’s been asleep for fifteen hours. He’s still breathing, I know this because he fell asleep last night while I was putting Julianna to bed. On the couch. So I can watch him sleep while I work in the same room. He last had pain meds around six thirty last night, so I’m trying to …
Apr 11
Nine is hard
I think he’s at the precise WRONG age for all of this. Too old to be popped up on my hip while I have the conversations with his doctors, too old to be soothed easily with a cuddle and a kiss. Just old enough to know that if he kicks and screams and rages, he …
Apr 08
The new normal
I find that I don’t want to write much about the past week. Which is odd, for me, at least. Writing is how I process it, whatever it is. Writing is how I re-live things, it’s how I figure out how I feel about things, it’s how I make sense of the events. I don’t …
Mar 14
I keep having flashbacks
It started this morning, and I can’t seem to stop them from coming. I keep remembering that moment, when the bike was coming and the look on his face, and the sound of him hitting the door. I keep remembering the blood. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I must be, and the solicitous “How …
Mar 13
So many things….
I need to write a post on Jessie’s bat mitzvah, but I really do think I’m still just processing it. So we’ll wait a bit for that one… I also need to do a post on homeschooling, because we’ve decided to pursue that with Sam, at least thru the end of third grade. But …
Feb 26
On the day before the bat mitzvah
I’m in tears already. It’s not yet six thirty, and the idea that we’re here, that it’s tomorrow… There’s still so much to do, I can’t find Sam’s shirt or tie or suitcoat, I have to buy tights for me, and Jessie, and all the plasticware, and decorate everything and today’s going to be a …
Feb 14
Fourteen Years
Fourteen years of marriage is different than I thought it would be. It’s waking up early too early, worrying about kids, and money and jobs. It’s turning on the coffee pot that he got ready the night before and checking the heat to make sure it didn’t drop too much overnight. It’s a king size …
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