I didn’t cry until she left

The living room. I didn’t cry until she left the living room and by the time she made it outside, I was out and out weeping. Jessie is getting her tear duct unblocked today. General anesthesia, quick ten minute procedure, but still…

She’s so sweet and so little still – and I know she was scared. And even though in my head, I agree completely with the decision to have Marc take her, it was still really hard to let her go and not be beside her for it.

For my sake, bear with me while I reiterate all of the reasons why it made sense for Marc to do it instead of me

1 – He loves her as much as I do, and she knows it and loves him back. I’ve worked hard at making sure that they have a close and loving bond and that she feel as safe and secure with Daddy as she does with Mama.

2 – He really wanted to do it – I think it was important for him to be able to the parent that she leaned on for this, Lisa would never allow it. And he is a phenominal father, he’ll cuddle and cajole her and make her feel safe.

3 – He’s supremely confident that this a minor thing and she’ll be absolutely fine, plus he’s better able to distance himself from the situation. I’m also secure that she’s going to be fine, but I’d have a harder time not getting upset because she was scared, which would reinforce, for Jess, that there was a reason to be scared. Marc will be better able to assure her that there’s nothing to worry about.

4 – (and this isn’t a top contender for the reason why I stayed home, but it does factor) Marc gets paid time off, and I don’t. Not only would I lose the money that I earn today ($80), but I would also seriously inconvenience the parents who depend on me for child care.

Still waiting for financial aid paperwork – and very stressed that it hasn’t appeared. Gotta figure that it’s good that it’s taking so long, at least they didn’t look at the application and laugh, right?