Melissa Anne Cohen

Jessie is at a weird age.  Eleven is tricky.  She’s not a little girl anymore.  But she’s far from grown up, and not a teenager either.   When given the choice between an ipod touch or a dollhouse, she’s torn but leaning towards the dollhouse.   I love that about her.   She’s growing up so fast, and there are days when I miss that tiny little one, when everything was simpler for her.

The ipod touch or dollhouse question came up because Girlfriend is working now.  She’s got a steady gig as a Mother’s Helper and I wanted to give her a goal to save her money towards.   She’s got a gift with children.  I say that not just because she’s my daughter and I think she’s awesome, but because I really do believe that she’s especially talented when it comes to working with smaller children.  Not that you can always tell by the way she interacts with her siblings, but with  my friends’ kids, she’s brilliant.  She’s working on Fridays as a Father’s Helper, helping to take care of twin four year old girls and their eighteen month old sister.  She’s been volunteering in the kindergarten classroom for the past year, helping with setting up activities and interacting with the class.

While she’s got all this maturity and growth, she’s still a little girl.  Not all the time, but she’s still afraid of butterflies, and likes to snuggle up in my bed before trudging off to her own to sleep.   She’s still likes coloring and reading bedtime stories, but wouldn’t dream of letting me do her hair in the mornings, and God forbid I pick out her clothes.   She likes for me to pick them out, I should note, but refuses to wear any of my selections.

I’ve noticed an increase in the time she spends alone in her room.  She likes hanging out in there, watching movies on her kindle, texting her friends and reading.  Painting her nails, and rearranging all of the STUFF (she’s still somewhat of a hoarder, and collects more crap to put on her dresser than she knows what to do with) in her room.  She’s happy to have me go in there and hang out with her, but is a lot less likely to want to chill out in the living room with younger kids.

Eleven is a fun age, mostly.  Of course, it’s been a good day.  There are days when the moods and the drama and the squabbling with her siblings makes me think that eleven is not fun at all.   But mostly, she’s fun.   I still laugh harder with Jessie than I do with anyone else.  My favorite time of the day is oftentimes just before she falls asleep.  When both of the younger two have drifted off, or they’re out playing with Marc and she’s sequestered herself in my room (I have the tv in there).  I’ll go in and we’ll fight over pillows and snuggle up and watch tv.  I’ll tickle her or pinch her, which make her squeal and wiggle and then she laughs at me.  It’s fun – there’s no pressure and no siblings to distract her.  She’s just Jessie – with no defenses and no agenda.   No adolescent angst, just my little girl and I hanging together.

I know eventually she’ll outgrow it – I know she won’t always want to chill out with me in my room.  But I’m going to pretend that she won’t.  I’m going to believe that she’s always going to be my little girl, and able to relax and love spending one on one time alone with her Mama.

I’m stuck, a little bit, when it comes to the blog.

When I started it, it was more of a baby book than anything else.  I wanted a way to record motherhood, not just for me, but for my kids.  But it turned into more than that.  It’s not just a recording of milestones, big and small, it’s become a part of who I am.   Over the past six years, I’ve been blogging a few times a week.  I’ve written about breastfeeding battles, about anxiety-ridden toddlers, and cranky miserable tweenagers.  I’ve written about pregnancy, stepparenting, about being a wife, about not having a Christmas tree, and about why I don’t like keeping kosher for Passover.

What I haven’t done, yet, is try to write for anyone other than me.

I just wrote, knowing that nobody was really reading it.  I thought of it almost like putting a message in a bottle, throwing it out into the ocean and hoping that someone would read it, and want to respond.   That’s actually a good analogy, because it seemed as random as that.  I wasn’t throwing it in any general direction, I wasn’t researching water current and wind direction, I was just writing and putting it out there.

But – I want it read.  In the end, I write for the connection.  When people do reach out, with comments or facebook shares or likes, it makes my day.  Part of being a writer, for me, is having a reader.  Sometimes, my audience is my kids, sometimes my audience is me of several years ago.  Sometimes my audience is another mom, someone who’s got a little boy who only smiles when he’s with her, and a little girl with a love for the dramatic and a need to express herself all the time.   A mom with a toddler who wants to do everything herself, all the time.

To build the blog, everything I read tells me that I have to have interesting images, I have to make it searchable, I must learn SEO,   I have to be pinterest-able.  I want to build the blog.  I want those connections – I love the friendships I’ve made, the conversations and connections that we’ve made.   I like having readers – and I want to figure out how to make the blog better for you.

All of this is leading to one question – why do you read the blog?  Would helpful tips, lists and craft ideas make it better?  Please don’t tell me crafts, I really can’t do them.  Do you want book reviews (because that’s something I could TOTALLY do), or recipes?   Or do you like my blog just as it is, or maybe think I should blog more frequently?  Maybe more structure, a set schedule?  Okay, maybe this is leading to more than one question.  My point is that I’d love to hear from you about why you read my blog, what  you like and what you’d like to see more of.

And because every post should have an image – here’s one of my favorites…

This is no easy feat.

I know it’s my own fault.  I’m a stay at home mom, and it’s easier for me to just DO it rather than have my kids “help.”   I used to pretend to give them chores, but never followed up on it, and would almost always end up just doing everything.   I don’t even make my kids clean their own bedrooms.  The justification for that is that we’ve always been the house that has all the kids – between stepkids, kids I was babysitting for, cousins and friends stopping by – it was never just their mess, and it seemed unfair to make them clean it by themselves.

They’re getting older, Jessie is eleven and a half, Sam just turned eight and Julianna is four years old.  That’s old enough to assume some responsibility.  That’s old enough, past old enough, to start being able to help out around the house.   Plus, we’ve got the whole unstructured summer thing happening for us right now, and three kids rocking around the house means that I could easily spend all of my time cleaning.  It means that I should spend all of my time cleaning, to be honest.  And if I’m not, then I need to make sure that the kids are doing their chores.

But what type of chores are appropriate?  I want them to be equitable, while also age appropriate, and I want them to be not so overwhelming.   I still want them to be kids, not junior housekeepers.   I also put summer reading and/or Hebrew and bat mitzvah studying on it, because I want that done every day as well.  The two older kids have to straighten out their bedroom, plus another room in the house (living room or dining room).  Julie has to pick up all the shoes, and put away the silverware, as well as help me pick up the yard, and make her bed.

Once I figured that out, then I tried to figure out how best to keep track of it.  There are lots of things that I can buy that would do it, like this or this , but I’m more of a now-that-I’ve-decided-to-do-it-I-MUST-DO-IT-NOW kind of girl, and spent most of the day trying to create charts by myself.  I spent a long time trying to draw straight lines (because of course, I can’t find a ruler) and then remembered that I actually do know how to use a computer.  Excel was kind of created for charts, after all. I spent a long time trying to create a chart.   Then I remembered that I don’t have a printer.

I ended up assigning each kid 4 chores, and numbering them.  Then I told them to write it down on my big calendar when they got it done.  Not the  most  attractive way of doing it, but at least it’s done.  Sort of.

Now I just need to figure out how to get the kids to do it.

Sam, honestly, is absolutely the best at doing chores.  This system works completely for him.  He likes the system, likes checking them off.   He’s just into it, and has been from the beginning.  Julie is sometimes very excited about it, and the key is just to make sure that I catch her when she’s in the right frame of mind and have her get it done.   But my Jessie, oh my Jessie.  She hates it.

Obviously, this isn’t the right system for her.  Kids are different and different kids respond to different things.  Jessie’s older, and more responsible, and she’s certainly not averse to helping out around the house, she’s normally incredibly helpful.  She started helping a friend of ours one day a week as a mother’s helper, and was phenomenal at it.  What would work for her?  Setting it up as a power struggle between the two of us is not the right solution (because I tried that all day today, it didn’t work).  My issue is that Sam is SO good at it, enthusiastic and excited about it, and I don’t want her to feel like a failure because her brother kicks butt at doing his chores.

Do you have kids do chores around the house?  Do you have one that’s better than another?  What’s the best way to handle different aptitudes and enthusiasm levels?  I’d love to hear from you if you’d like to comment.

Eight is a significant milestone, I think.  They all are, I know that, but eight seems so much bigger than seven.

I get a little teary eyed, when I think back over the past eight years.  How incredibly determined Sam has always been, how focused and intense he can be, and how incredibly easy and relaxed he is about other things.  Sam changed my life.  They all did, each one of my kids, but Sam was the one who really shook up everything I thought I had known about parenting.  Sam made me stronger, he made me want to be the kind of mom he deserved.   Sam had such crippling anxiety, and figuring out how to parent him, how to help him to be the best he could be, to work thru the fear and be who he is – being his mom is one of the best, scariest, most intense and rewarding things in my life.

Sam is my buddy.  He’s mine, on a level that I never knew existed.  He was like my right arm for seven years, and watching him blossom and thrive the way that he has over the past year has been so amazingly beautiful to me.  There is a part of me that misses that little guy, the one that never moved too far away from me.  But the boy I have in his place, the smart, gorgeous boy, brave and bold and rambunctious and social… being his mom is way too much fun for me to look back that often.

Happy birthday Samilicious Boy.  I love you so much more than you realize, and I’m forever lucky to get to be your mom.

Sam’s earlier birthday blog posts….

To my son, on the eve of his seventh birthday

My Samuel Earl

Happy birthday to the sweetest five year old

Happy Birthday to my Samilicious

Samilicious

As I posted last week, summer is not always the easiest time of year for me.  While I love that our summers are mostly unstructured, and that the kids get to relax and we get to do all kinds of activities and day trips and other adventures, the downside to all that free time is a whole lot of time that they can spend squabbling with each other.   The weekend was a good example of why I love summer.  Friday, we went to Edaville Railroad.   The day was busy and fun, and nobody argued even once.  We picked up Sarah on our way home, and Saturday, we spent with our friends David and Aviva at their pool.  Sunday was more swimming and fun with Auntie Becky and Abby-with-a-bow.

But today was our day at home.  A day to catch up on laundry, Marc had some maintenance to do on the car (turns out that my brilliant husband can do maintenance on the car, replacing the brake pads and saving us a lot of money).  The kids were home.  Bored.  It was smoking hot and sticky outside, and Glennys (everyone’s best friend down from NH) was leaving today.  Both my older kids were upset (nobody likes it when she leaves) and taking it out by sniping at each other.

It’s days like this when I’m driven to making lists of ways to survive the summer – here’s what I’ve got so far…

1 – Coffee.  Specifically, iced coffee.  I’ve started freezing ice cubes of coffee to make my afternoon coffee that much better.   Yes, I do get massive and intense migraines when I forget to have it, but it’s well worth the price.   A well caffeinated mama is a happy mama.  Happy realization today – when I run out of sugar, I just mix a little chocolate syrup in and make iced mocha.  Life is just easier when I’ve got iced coffee.

2 – A hose.   A sprinkler is nice, but in a pinch, just having a hose will work.   Bonus points if you go out and get wet with the kids.  My kids can spend hours outside, hosing each other down, playing games where they race thru the water, they lying out in the sun, drying off and doing it all over again.

3 – A Dollar Tree store within easy proximity.  Squirt guns, water balloons, glow sticks, coloring books, crayons – even ice cream bars are only a dollar.  This store has saved my life on several occasions.

4 – Say “yes” as often as possible.  Can we wash the car?  YES.  Can we go for a walk?  YES.  Can we have all the sponges so that we can have a sponge war?  YES.

5 – Poster board.  For some reason, poster board is way cooler than regular paper.   Useful for making up your own game boards, advertising lemonade stands and writing up a big list of chores and daily responsibilities for kids to follow.

6 – Stick to a routine, specifically a bedtime routine.  When so much of our schedule is flexible and haphazard, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of just letting the kids conk out whenever.   But nobody wins when everyone is overtired and worn out, so it’s better to stick to a regular bedtime as much as possible.

7 – Rules.   I took my little piece of poster board and wrote out the rules.  There aren’t many – and all of them are self-evident (to me, at least).   But somehow, having them written down makes it easier to follow.  At least twice tonight, I’ve stopped myself from nagging and just said simply “You know the rules…” and the kid in question would immediately acquiesce.   It’s magic.

8 – Daily responsibilities.  Confession time – I’m utter crap at giving my kids chores.  But I’m not doing anyone any favors, including myself.  I made up four chores for each kid, trying to make them age appropriate but still vaguely equal.  I left space on the chart to draw stars for completed chores (my kids do stuff for handwritten stars – I hinted that there might be some sort of reward to be determined later when the whole space is filled with tiny stars).   I also stressed that chores aren’t done for a reward – they’re done because we’re a team, and we all work together in this family.

How does summer work at your house?   I’d love it if you’d comment and let me know what works for your family.

I was so smug.  I admit it.  I was cocky, and smug about how my kids were going to be having a completely unstructured summer.   They were going to be relaxing, playing with the hose, and swimming in the pool.  Making lemonade stands and writing in their journals.  Exploring the woods and bike riding.  They were going to have the summers that everyone keeps writing about – the chase-the-ice-cream-truck-daydream-and-explore sort of summer that’s in vogue these days.  Granted, I may have been forced into that decision because summer camp is so super expensive, and since they have a stay at home parent anyway – might as well reap the benefits and be able to have the summer that everyone keeps saying kids should be able to enjoy.

In reality, they spent yesterday at each other’s throats, and by the end of the day, both Jessie and Sam had been sent (dragged, whatever) into their rooms, sobbing and raging about how much they hated each other.

Because “unstructured” can also mean “lots of time for your younger brother/older sister to torment you”, apparently.

It wasn’t all bad.  Not all day.  It’s hard to remember that, because the screaming fights tend to color my memories of the day.  But there were times when everyone was happy.  When the hose was running, and the army guys were set up.  When Sarah and Jessie were outside, working on their Piknesian culture (not just a religion, it’s a people – a TRIBE, if you will), and Sam and Harrison were tearing around the side yard, waving water guns and happy.  When everyone smelled like sunblock, and my only interaction with them was doling out ice cream cones – not because I didn’t want to talk to them, but because they were all happy and playing and busy and didn’t need any parental involvement.

But when it went bad, it went spectacularly bad.

I’m at a loss as to how to make encourage them to get along.  I’m reduced to googling (because that’s how I parent, I google when times get tough).  I’m reading all sorts of helpful tips to start them off right – to have a present “from the new baby” at the hospital for the first visit after birth, to encourage the older sibling to be the “helper” and get diapers and wipes.  Make them feel included.  All of  which I did, by the way.  Doesn’t appear to have a lasting impact.

I’m thinking behavior modification charts, stickers earned for nice behavior towards each other.  Penalties for snarkiness, name-calling or eye rolling.  Rewards for cumulative days of not whacking each other.   I can take away computer privileges, whisk away the kindles and the Wii controllers.  Maybe a marble jar – a marble for every time they do something kind.  When the jar is filled – family trip to Dairy Queen.

Tell me I’m not the only mom who deals with this – tell me my kids aren’t the only ones who declare war on each other, and at times, literally despise each other.  Please, remind me that we all survive fights with our siblings, and come out the other side still talking to each other.   What works for you?  Any advice, encouragement or even just stories of how you fought constantly with your brother when you were a kid but love him to death today – I’d love to hear it.

I went to my hometown yesterday.  I lived for the first thirty years of my life in a small town about forty five minutes east of Worcester.  Maynard was a part of me, my parents had both grown up there, my great grandfather was a fire chief, my grandfather worked at the high school.  Everyone knew someone in my family, and at times, it was hard to define my identity outside of my relationship to others.  I was forever known as Mandi’s older sister, or Mary’s daughter, or Earl’s granddaughter, or Cathy’s niece.

But since moving… I only seem to go back now for funerals.   I was struck by how pretty Maynard is.  It’s just genuinely a pretty little town.  The hills are all gentle (as compared to some of the incredibly steep hills that Worcester has), the schools are all beautiful and surrounded by grass. The sidewalks were all big, the streets were wide, and it was such a beautiful day.

Even with all of the prettiness, I was still… sad.  Just sad.  I was there for another funeral, and the day reminded me so much of the day my grandfather died.  He died four years ago this August.  I drove down to Emerson Hospital to see him, but was too late.  He had died when I was in the elevator going up to the fourth floor.   In the end, he was my connection to Maynard.   And he’s gone.

I drove down, on roads that I had learned to drive on.  Past houses I used to babysit at, down streets that my friends lived on.  Past ice cream stands and stores and little roadside farms that I had visited all the time.  Past my elementary school, my high school, the store I worked at when I was in high school.  I drove to the cemetery, of course.  Down the hill, next to the pond, and pulled up alongside the headstone.  I got out of the car, and immediately burst into tears.

I don’t like to think of him as gone.  I suppose, on a real level, I never really processed that he was gone.  I think of him as traveling.  Somewhere overseas, Europe.  I miss him, but I think he’s happy, doing what he loved.   With my grandmother.   But he’s not.  And seeing his headstone there was harder than I anticipated it would be.  It was more than just the loss of my grandfather – I think yesterday, I was mourning the loss of who I used to be.  Thinking about how very much things have changed, and how so much of what I used to value is no longer a part of who I am.

I’m incredibly different now, in so many ways.  The past ten years have brought enormous changes in my life.  A husband, three children, a new town, a new religion.  A dramatically different way of defining myself.  There are very few people left who define me by my relation to my siblings and parents.  I’m Mrs. Jessie’s Mom, or Sam’s mom, or Marc’s Beautiful Wife (Julie doesn’t have any friends yet who aren’t also close family friends – so I’m not known as Julie’s mom, but I know it’ll come).  And more and more, I’m known as myself.  A volunteer, a friend, a writer.

After going to the funeral, I got coffee.  Of course.  And lunch, and it occurred to me that there was no better place to have it then to have it with my grandfather.   I took my coffee and my lunch, and I parked in the shade.  I pulled out my book, because nobody loved reading like my grandfather did.  I felt so much better, being there.   And I realized that even though I was different, even though I could barely recognize my life now when I remembered what my life had been like, I was still his granddaughter.  I was still the girl who loved to read a book next to him, and he would have been proud of the changes.   He used to tell me that he wanted to dance at Sam’s bar mitzvah, and I know that who I am now would have made him happy.  He wanted me happy.  He wanted me to be who I am.  He saw this potential me, long before I did.

I haven’t lost who I used to be.  I’ve just added to it.

And I really need to start visiting my hometown for more than just funerals.  Because after lunch with my grandfather, I stopped at Ericson’s for ice cream, and it was awesome.

I found this list of questions on a blog that I love (http://beingrudri.com/2014/06/20/some-questions-answers-2/), and since they were good questions, I’m suffering from a bit of writer’s block, and I’m waiting for some bread dough to rise before I can make dinner…

1. Which author’s voice is most compelling to you?

I don’t have an answer for this one.  I like too many different authors to pick just one.  Some writers are so great that I just list them instead of books they’ve written when I’m thinking of my favorites.  JD Robb, Nora Roberts, Anne Rivers Siddens, Robert B. Parker, Maeve Binchy, Tova Mirvis, and Sharon Shinn are some of my go-to fiction writers, but I read a lot more non-fiction these days.

2. Where and how do you get your books – amazon, independent bookstores, library, etc.?

I’m a library girl.  Have to be – there’s no way I’d be able to afford to buy all the books I read.  I can’t justify spending the money on a book I can borrow when it could be going to pay for dance class or a new pair of shoes for a kid.   I love the library, I love wandering around, knowing that I can take out as many books as I want (or up to fifty, and I’ve hit the limit several times).

3. Where and when do you read? How long or how often do you read?

I read all the time.  Just – all the time.  I’ve always got a book with me, usually one in the car, one in the bedroom, one in the bathroom, and a stack on the bookshelf waiting.  I’m a fast reader, but I’m also really good at snatching a few minutes here and a few more there to get it done.  It’s what I do – I don’t knit or crochet (although I try every winter), I’m always behind in folding laundry, and I very reluctantly don’t allow myself to read at stop-lights when I’m driving.

4. What genres interest you most? Why?

When I was younger, I read fiction almost exclusively.  Except for biographies, I’ve always loved biographies.  I remember systematically reading every book on the biography shelf in my junior high library.  I love memoirs, political analysis, books about interfaith and Jewish conversion.  Actually any book about religion is probably one that I’ll pick up and explore.  I’ve read, I think, pretty much every parenting book out there.  Adoption, special needs, I read a lot about childhood anxiety.   I read a lot of blogs too.  Mostly parenting ones, and I tend to gravitate to those that are really honest and sincere.

5. Do you gravitate toward or shy away from difficult and heavy themes, like death, violence, trauma, difficult moral decisions, etc.?

I avoid violent books.   My stepdaughter tried to get me to read Hunger Games, and while I finished the first one, I really hated it and couldn’t get thru the second one in the trilogy.  Maybe it’s more violent suspense, I don’t like to be scared, in life or in literature.

6. Knowing what you know now, what book would you recommend to your 20-something-year-old self? to your 30-something-year-old self?

I think for my twenties – I wish I had read Harold Kushner’s “To Life” – it was one of the books that made me want to be Jewish, and I do wish that I had found it sooner.  I think I was searching for Judaism for a long time before I found it, and that book would have sped up the process.  For my thirties – Lenore Skenazy’s “Free Range Kids.”  That book has probably impacted my parenting more than any other one.

7. What reading rituals, habits, lessons, etc. have you shared with or taught your child?

I have a policy that I’ll always stop what I’m doing and read a book to my kids.  I try to send the message that reading is a vital part of life, and it’s something we do all the time.  I also really encourage them to do it when they’re upset or stressed or anxious.  Reading is my coping mechanism, calms me down faster than anything, and I really would love it if my kids could have that as a tool for making life easier.

8. Is your husband a reader? Does that matter to you?

My husband is definitely a reader.  And it completely matters.  I know there are  many different kinds of intelligence, but I really respect and appreciate intellectualism, and his intelligence is one of my favorite things about my husband.  He reads on-line mostly – but I get books for him at the library and recommend them to him.   He’s much more into economics blogs than I am, but we both read all the time.

9. Have you ever belonged to a book club? If so, what was that experience like?

I haven’t.  I’ve been to a few meetings, but I’m greedy – I don’t like sharing books.  Not the physical book – as an active library patron, I’m used to not owning books.  But I don’t like sharing the experience of reading, if that makes sense.  It’s too private, somehow.  It’s hard to explain, but it’s hard for me to discuss a book, because my experience of reading it is mine.

10. What are you most excited to read from your TBR pile this summer?

I actually don’t have a TBR pile.  I go to the library once every few weeks and stock up – and I’m on my last book.  Planning on going to the library tomorrow morning – I like to go without kids when I’m looking for books for me, that way I can wander to my heart’s content.

11. Do you own and collect books, or do you prefer not to have them pile up in your home?

I would love to own and collect – but I really can’t justify the money or the space with three active kids who tend to be hoarders.

Today’s my last day without the kids.  I dropped Jessica and Sam off this morning, it was the last time I’ll ever drop them off at the same school again.  Even if they both end up going to Goddard, by the time Sam gets into high school, Jessie will be dancing off to college.  Julianna is still sound asleep, she’s on a new schedule where she’s up until eleven and sleeps twelve hours.  Right amount of sleep for a kid her age, but totally the wrong hours.  I’m hoping she’ll straighten out once the other two are home for the summer, for sure and for certain, it’s going to be a whole lot louder around here in the mornings after today.

Looking back, I’m pleased by this year.  Sam has blossomed, in ways that still sort of surprise me.  I’m very gradually starting to think of his separation/social anxiety as a thing of the past.  He gets a little anxious now and again, but it’s so much more typical to what other kids experience and oceans easier to handle.   He can talk to me now and talk himself down before it gets overwhelming.  Yesterday, we went to SkyZone, which is a crazy trampoline place in Westboro.  We were there with the girl scout troop, and siblings were invited.  There are several girls with little brothers, so I thought Sam would have friends, but alas, he was the only boy there.  And he and Julie were clearly younger than most of the kids there, and totally overwhelmed.  A year ago, that would have been a recipe for disaster for my boy.  A million strangers, totally loud and chaotic and completely out of his comfort zone.   Instead, it was easy.  He started to get a little tense, but when I suggested that we go food shopping at the store in the same little strip mall, he was fine.  It was so.much.easier.  No temper tantrum, he wasn’t freaking out – he was uncomfortable, told me, accepted the easy solution and ended up having a lovely afternoon.  First grade has been wonderful for him, and I’m very much looking forward to second grade for him.

My Jessie – I worry about her.  I actually don’t worry about her future, I’m doing retroactive worrying, which is the very definition of stupid.  Now that she’s going to another school, she’s a lot more open about how miserable she was at Flagg.   I wonder how much of it I missed, because she was trying so hard to convince herself that it wasn’t that bad.   And being Jessie – there’s a possibility that she’s looking back on it trying to convince herself that she was really unhappy at the school so that she’ll be that much happier at Goddard.  She’s complicated, my girl.  Which is what I love about her, but it does make it challenging to figure out what’s actually reality and what’s just her perception on reality, and subject to change.  I do think she’ll love her new school, and she’s so much more confident and self-assured about her abilities now that she knows she’s going to GSA.

Julianna Ruth – she’s still little to me.  She’s going thru a rough patch, but I think that has more to do with being four and the youngest.  She was only in preschool for five hours a week, and she’s only going for two half days next year.   I’m not at all looking forward to sending my baby to kindergarten, and am very grateful that I’ll have her home again with me next year  I’d like to sign her up for some activities, she’d like to take karate (which amuses me for some reason), and possibly dance.  Maybe she’s just bored.

I’m really looking forward to summer.  I like having my kids home with me, and I’m hoping to fit in a lot  more fun day trips.  I’d like to hit the ocean a few times, maybe even drag myself camping with them.  I want to take them to Concord and Lexington, and exploring Boston.  Glennys will be here for a lot of the summer, hopefully, and I’m really going to try and concentrate on getting more time with my stepdaughters.  As much as I’d like to see them, my kids want desperately to get more time with them, so that’s definitely on the priority list.